I called my mother the other day, she didn’t answer. There is no inconvenience like being ignored by your mom. What else could she possibly be doing besides being my mother? I didn’t really need anything other than to hear her voice, but the audacity of the woman to not answer her phone for her favorite child is just astonishing. What if I had needed something? What if I forgot my Social Security number? What if I needed to know what medications I’m allergic to? What if I needed her for absolutely nothing? I always need her for absolutely nothing. You should buy these boots and call her to tell her.
**INSERT TID BIT ABOUT THE BOOT HERE**